1) The toilet
Going to the loo is expensive in Vienna. You can expect to pay between 50c to 1 euro for the privilege of using their facilities. God help you if you don’t have the exact change! If you go you have to make sure you get your euro worth… Another thing about Austrian toilets is the poo shelf. Instead of your deposits diving into a pool of clean water they are caught on a ceramic shelf for your closer inspection – bloody disgusting if you ask me! Sometimes, when your number twos are a bit sticky (perhaps after a large serve of wiener schnitzel) they refuse to budge from the shelf. We quickly learned that a poo toboggan is the best solution. Lay some toilet paper on the shelf and watch it glide off into the Danube in its little sled. Tobogganing became our euphemism for #2s.
2) The “friendly” customer service
Austrians rarely smile. Even less so if they work in customer service. In fact the only smiling and laughing Austrians I saw were the drunk ones at the wine bars! The worst customer service is at the train stations. Totally unhelpful and as sour as the kraut they eat for lunch. There were a couple of exceptions, the wine bar staff were very nice as were our friends at Starbucks (were the toilets are normal and FREE!) and there was one lady at the cruise terminal that was smiling and helpful but we deduced she wasn’t Austrian by her accent. I think the reason for this attitude is the Austrian penchant for order and preparedness which leads into my next point.
3) The order
Istanbul was chaos with its narrow curvy streets and and laid back attitude. Whereas Vienna was the polar opposite with its manicured gardens, wide avenues and broomstick up the bum attitude. Don’t get me wrong, Vienna is a stunning place which is architecturally magnificent and steeped in history but it’s too perfect. I just find it a bit repressed which explains why a lot of their art is so out there (think naked bodies in bondage pose on posters in public spaces). Maybe it is a vestige of the wars that tore through it or it’s just ingrained in the culture. I get the feeling that everyone walks around prepared for the worst, everything is orderly and precise. I think they charge you to the toilet as a fine, or some sort of punishment, for not having the foresight to twinkle or toboggan before you went out. Everyone sticks to the footpath and if you dare to tread on the bike path you’ll soon be reprimanded by a shrill bike bell. I always felt like I was being naughty in Vienna but I wasn’t, or was I?
4) The inconsistency in pricing and other things
Welcome to the a country where you can buy half a litre of wine for less than a bottle of wasser (water)….seriously! Vienna is a city geared for tourists with bulging wallets. I found it very expensive and inconsistent. 4.50 euro (6.25AUD) for a Starbucks and about 3.30 (4.58AUD) for a coffee at a local place. A Wiener schnitzel varies between 10 euro (13.88AUD) and 17 euro (23.61AUD). The museum entry fees were on the high side and of course they charge for everything! Want an audio guide so you can understand what you’re looking at? Sure but it will cost you another 8 euro on top of the 20 you paid to get in. I paid 5 euro to get into a church which wasn’t that awesome and felt ripped off. If you want to light a candle it will cost you 1 euro or 90c if you want to light it at a lesser altar.
5) Concert Spruikers
I liken these Mozart clad (wig and all) salesman to the carpet vendors of Istanbul and the Indian tailors of Thailand. At first I thought they were so cute but I quickly tired of being asked whether I wanted to go to a concert tonight. We went to one and it was OK it wasn’t awesome and I’m glad we got the cheap seats…I would have felt ripped off if I’d gotten the 89 euro so called VIP seats.
Ahhh Vienna, if I were a German speaking gajillionaire I would love you!
