I am slack. I was so pumped about starting this blog. I have so many ideas and as November is the international month of blogging (so I’m told anyway) I had the great idea of writing a post each day. Oh, if you could only read my mind and keep up with the miasma of thoughts!
I made a cracking pre-start in Melbourne and even got my first comment…YAY! Then disaster struck on the final day of my shopping trip. I got a call from my corporation advising me that it is restructuring and that my role is no longer secure. I was supposed to find if I’m in or out last Friday but now the announcement is delayed for another few weeks as my fate is tied to other critical corporatey decisions. So my mind is in survival mode trying to deal with this crisis and has put all positive and creative thought on hold.
The punk in me is fine if I’m let go but the corporate in me is scared excrementless! Corporate is so much a part of my identity. I’ve been a part of the corporation for 13 years, I met my husband there and have grown so much as a person. I spend more time there than at home. I loved the opportunities I’ve had to learn corporatey things and have sometimes used my punky creativity (less so recently).
For some, a job is just a job but for me I put my all into it and it consumes me sometimes. Some would see this as a fault, others a virtue. I’m just confused and lately I’ve been questioning my identity and my self-worth. Have I let myself become too corporate and not enough punk? Can I be a punk without the corporate?
The waiting game is killing me but in a way it’s forcing me to reassess my priorities and take stock of myself and what I want to do. I know I will survive this and either way it goes it will change me…..hopefully for the better.
